Star Trek Today

January 23rd, 2012

If Star Trek took place today. A short and rough example. (I would be thrilled if anyone made a short film based off this concept.)

To set the scene the star ship is closing in on the first alien vessel ever encountered. This could be first contact.

Comm Officer: Captain! We are being hailed!

Captain: Put it up on screen.

*Video goes up on screen*

Comm Officer: Coming up on screen…

Captain: Greetings!

A slight pause while the Captain waits for a response. The aliens appear to be talking but no sound is coming through.

Captain: Officer, why can’t I hear them?

Comm Officer: I don’t know Captain.

Captain: Can they hear us?

Comm Officer: I think so Captain, but the computer is only recognizing our microphone inputs… it doesn’t appear to see our cameras.

Captain: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Comm Officer: I’m looking at the preferences, our camera doesn’t show up in the list. I’ll restart the program, but that’ll terminate our call.

Captain: Make it so.

Comm Officer: Okay, program is restarting…

Captain: Tell me when we’re up.

Comm Officer: The program appears unresponsive.

Captain: Officer, we need this system up and running RIGHT NOW.

Comm Officer: Understood sir. I think I’ll have to reboot the computer.

Captain: Make it fast.

Science Officer: Their ship has some very odd power readings sir, but then again, everything about them is… alien…

Captain: Keep me appraised.

Comm Officer: Okay, computer has rebooted, starting up the comm app…

Captain: Patch me through.

Video appears on the screen, with audio. The alien is explaining that they can neither hear nor see them on the screen.

Captain: We are having some computer problems. We apologize.

Comm Officer: Okay, it says we are sending audio and video now. We should be good.

Captain: We should be up and running now. Greetings!

Aliens: We can see your video, but we are unable to understand your audio.

Captain: Comm Officer?

Comm Officer: We’re sending out a high quality signal, sir. Everything on our end is working.

Aliens: The audio we are receiving, we cannot unenvied it. We have developed sophisticated audio, we call it MP3 format. Perhaps your audio is not compatible?

Comm Officer: MP3? Oh, sir… all our ship’s audio is encoded in OGG format! We can read everything coming in, but we only send out OGG.

Captain: BUT NOBODY USES OGG!

Comm Officer: I’m sorry Captain, if I could connect to the internet, I could possibly download an update or plugin?

Captain: Make it so!

Comm Officer: But we are not in wireless range at the moment.

Aliens *(Who have been talking this whole time)*: You appear to be in deep conversation, but are unwilling to talk to us. Your lips are moving, but we hear no sound. You are a strange species… perhaps you are mocking us? We’d like to think you were intelligent and capable of trade…

Captain: Ensign, how close is the nearest access point?

Ensign: Just a few lightyears back sir.

Captain: Aliens! We regret that we cannot send you audio, allow us to retreat and upgrade our ship. We shall return with the information you require.

Aliens: Why do you not talk with us? Why are you leaving?

Captain: Turn us around, Ensign.

Aliens: A rude and obnoxious race! We will not tolerate TROLLING in our UNIVERSE!!

Captain: We’re not trolling, we are having computer… oh, never mind. Comm Officer, turn it off.

Aliens: We shall take this as an act of. *shut off*

Captain: We’ll I’d say we’re off to a good start. Science Officer, show me how to make my Solitaire game show up on the big screen again.